Why Neurodiversity Matters: Acceptance, Awareness and Self-Expression

I wanted to share a part of my journey that I believe has been so helpful in discovering what defines me. This experience has helped me understand myself. Why I have felt such a strong urge to express my ideas, interests, and meaningful moments. Why artistic creating resonates with me and why I can feel really down when I'm not creating something. My brain processes the world differently than 80% of the population and is Neurodivergent. Perhaps some of you are also on a journey to understand yourselves in this way, unmasking and embracing how your mind works is a process that requires patience and a lot of self-compassion.

At the age of 36, I found myself in a local art therapist's office. There, I explained to the therapist the difficulties I was facing with hormonal fluctuations, chronic fatigue symptoms, social and relationship challenges, racing thoughts, anxiety and sleep challenges. I was intrigued to see how creating art while receiving counselling could reveal more about my subconscious. I am thankful for the insights I gained during those ten sessions. That was 18 months ago, and after reading about a dozen books, I now have a much clearer understanding of what it all means and wanted I to share some of my discoveries in this post. 

It wasn't until I started looking beyond the stereotypes that I truly got the meaning of what I had recently discovered. There are many misconceptions about how Neurodivergence appears. Consider Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, for example, there is a fallacy that you do not have empathy or very good social skills. For me, it's about how I experience the world, from emotions, sensory input, and intuitive insights, I often have a different way of relating to people and my environment. Lights can seem far too bright, sounds much too loud, and empathy and emotions at times overwhelming.

Looking back on my life, I can now identify the signs and see what was missed. As a child, instead of engaging in make believe play I specifically arranged things like toys and objects in particular ways and imitated patterns of behaving, especially from television. My intense passions and straightforward communication style led others to describe me as intense, sensitive, sometimes blunt and inflexible. My need for sensory stimulation and new experiences often pulled me in different directions, thinking before acting. My often rigid thinking and need for control resulted in a hospitalisation for an eating disorder at age 14, after moving to a new city and changing schools. Navigating transitions and major life changes has always been difficult for me and I often want to know all the details. High school was more challenging with it's cliques. I really disliked sports and anything that felt too jarring. I much preferred music, dancing, quiet spaces and doing something creative. This was often times alone in my own world or with one close friend. I struggled to interpret my internal sensations and body cues, I am highly sensitive and easily affected by life. 

"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I'm here, and I’m just as strange as you." -Frida Kahlo

Studies indicate that autistic females without cognitive or behavioural issues are typically diagnosed later in life. Recent findings reveal that nearly 80% of autistic females remain undiagnosed by age 18. Instead, they may receive diagnoses such as anxiety, ADHD (which co-occurs 50-80% of the time), depression, eating disorders, OCD, and sleep disorders.

Living undiagnosed into adulthood often results in fear, depression, burnout, and chronic pain.

Another indicator of neurodivergence is the presence of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or hypermobility, for example I had multiple dislocated knees during ballet classes and strange pains in my body. People with hEDS often experience more emotional reactivity as well due to brain differences, particularly in regions like the amygdala and insula. These regions are involved in processing emotions and interoception, which is the awareness of internal bodily sensations. This heightened sensitivity can lead to at least a four times increase in anxiety and all this suggests to me that these diagnoses are largely genetic in nature.

I find intense focus soothing, and repetition or concentrating on something familiar brings comfort. Recognising meaningful patterns and having brain connections over multiple areas enhances creativity and metaphorical thinking, making it ideal for symbolism in art. Deep empathy and emotions result in strong connections with people, animals, and nature. This can all lead to the use of abstract ideas to convey experiences. I possess a strong visual memory and an intense focus on details. 

Choosing visual thinking over verbal skills could explain why creating art seemed more instinctive. I frequently drew, often focusing on similar subjects. These included maps, specific characters, objects nearby, and even on occasion, a depiction of my future and its various elements.These routines provide an advantage in intentionally practicing creative techniques until they become second nature, which can then allow me to create art that reflects an inner experience. This has been very healing for integrating intuitive insights and processing ideas into an art piece or time capsule.

"The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them. The hunt to discover those jewels—that’s creative living." -Elizabeth Gilbert

Learning about Monotropism was a revelation for me. This term refers to absorbing a lot of detail without filtering it, which often results in overload. It allows for deep dives into topics without multitasking, analysing patterns, and predicting outcomes. This happens because the divergent brain is wired for deep processing, heightened perception, and pattern recognition, but lacks the filters that most neurotypical brains use to prioritise and discard unnecessary information. Consequently, your brain treats all incoming information as equally important, making everyday situations feel chaotic. Monotropism also explains why routine and structure are beneficial, as they reduce the number of unpredictable elements your brain needs to handle. We must accept a brain that isn't designed for quick task switching. Because your brain constantly takes in more than it can process, it can lead to sensory overload, decision fatigue, and anxiety. If you're forced to shift focus too quickly, it can be painful, leading to shutdown. This makes new or unexpected situations stressful because your brain rapidly considers numerous possibilities, without automatically filtering out unimportant details, making everything feel relevant.

“Just as there are some who need to run daily to be fully alive, for some of us the desire to create, the need to dream and imagine and make things is as necessary as breathing.”-Lucy H. Pearce

This mindset leads us to become deeply passionate about specific interests, and we may feel unbalanced and sad when we're unable to engage with our special interests. The intense focus and attention that a neurodivergent person dedicates to their interests can result in becoming specialists in their chosen areas.

The term masking comes from an often automatic and unconscious attempt to conceal one's self from the world in order to fit in with others. Neurodivergent girls depth, intensity, curiosity and questioning are often not reflected by the general population. Adapting to fit in with others and hiding interests to avoid lengthy discussions and monologues can lead to spending a lot more time alone. While appearing to function normally on the outside, one might be struggling with intense anxiety and overload internally.

Confidence and self-esteem may be impacted by the challenging situation of struggling to navigate traditional environments while excelling in areas that society may not recognise as productive. Stimming or self-stimulatory behaviour is a way to deal with sensory overload, it helps regulate emotions and the nervous system. A lot of us suppress this behaviour out of feeling like we are being too much. It would be good to remove the stigma around the idea because stimming can really help with focus and attention.

Sharing our stories and the way we interpret our experiences, regardless of the medium, whether it be through written words or visual art, all serves as a method to help us connect. We can articulate ourselves through less direct mediums and present ourselves to the world. Through our expression we can take others and ourselves to places of empathy, understanding and reflection, creating a shared offering in the way we experience the world.

So I am not broken, I simply have a different neurology from the majority of the population. This understanding that there is nothing inherently wrong with me the way I am, despite wondering this a lot of my life, has been very healing. Embracing this new truth empowers me, ensuring that I will not hide who I am just to fit the majority and I can be kinder to myself knowing I live in a world that was mostly not designed for me. I hope this post helps bring more awareness and acceptance to what it is like to be a late diagnosed neurodivergent woman on the spectrum.

Further reading suggestions

Lucy Pearce- "Creatrix", "Burning Woman", "Medicine Woman"

Sarah Hendrix- "Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder"

Devon Price- "Unmasking Autism"

Laura James- "Odd Girl Out"

Steph Jones- "The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy"

Jenara Nerenberg- "Divergent Mind'